Thinking Like a Mediator: Put Your Biases Aside

It is crucially important that any sort of conflict resolver (not just mediators) remains impartial when addressing people’s disputes. But, as we covered in the last entry of this series, it is just as important to not ‘sit on the fence’.

But what happens if you start to feel your own biases begin to creep in? After all, it is a natural human trait to want to judge people or things based on what we see, hear, or experience.

Well, here are some ‘top tips’ on dealing with your own biases in ‘the heat of the moment’:

Notice your own physical responses

Listen to your body. It is closely linked to your thoughts and emotions, and if something triggers one of your biases, you might notice a physical reaction. This could include changes in your breathing, an increased heart rate, muscle tensing or twitching, changes in temperature, or nausea. It’s much easier to deal with your biases when you can identify it starting to happen!

Slow down and pause

If you recognise that a bias is creeping in, slow down, pause, and take a deep breath. You might even consider taking a short break to go away, take stock, and gather your thoughts. You will find it easier to address the issue when you’re not in the thick of it.

Remind yourself it’s not about right and wrong

Go back to the core principle of mediation: you are not there to decide who’s right or wrong, and you do not need to make a judgment on which values are paramount. Remind yourself that you are only there to help the parties to build some dialogue and work towards a resolution.

Don’t try and change parties’ minds

Along the same lines, even if a party has opposite opinions or values to you, it is not your responsibility to try and ‘win them over’. Any attempts to do so would just heighten their resistance and, likewise, they’re not going to try and change your mind either.

Offload with a trusted colleague or friend

As big advocates of Case Supervision, we often advise that conflict resolvers have someone with which they can debrief or talk through the situation after. This can help you to identify things which both went well and which could have gone bette, and can help to sharpen your insight and build your confidence for future situations. It can also help to ensure that you are maintaining your ethical and professional boundaries.