Thinking Like a Mediator: Concentrate on the Future

Unlike other forms of conflict resolution, mediation is unique in the sense that it exclusively focuses on what will happen in the future.

Rather than focus on what has gone on previously, including how the parties have ended up in conflict, mediation aims to identify shared needs, set future goals, and build practical solutions for how to repair their relationship.

This is not an easy feat to accomplish, however.

You may find that the parties talk repeatedly about the past, and end up blaming, accusing, and putting each other down.  This is just natural human behaviour as well: they want to be the ones who are believed and, therefore, will try and persuade you that they are the ones who are justified or in the right (often at the expense of the other party).

So what can you do to shift parties’ mindsets from one of dwelling in the past to one that’s geared towards the future?

Limit past talk
Gently interrupt storytelling about what has gone on and who is to blame, and remind parties that mediation is not a process to prove who was right. Emphasise the future-focus of mediation and highlight the parties’ shared responsibility to improve things for the future.       

Ask "What do you need?” or similar open-ended questions
Turn it back on the parties and ask what each person needs moving forward rather than asking what happened. Identify what meets their underlying interests and what this might look like in practice. Use the ‘stuck record’ technique to help them hear what is being said.

Reframe statements
Translate statements about the history of the dispute into underlying needs for the future. Use reframing to shift from the past to the future, from blame to responsibility, and from positions to interests. Reframing can help to lessen resistance and keep the mediation moving forwards productively.

It can, however, feel unnatural to concentrate solely on the future, particularly when previous experience or roles might have us looking more at the past. It is therefore worthwhile practising skills such as reframing in your everyday life: while it is a hard skill to master, it can really help to refocus the parties and shift them towards a more collaborative and future-focused mindset.