Thinking Like a Mediator: Balance Emotion and Reason

When stepping into the role of the mediator, it is important to understand the roles of both emotion and reason in a conflict.

Emotions act as the driving force, often signalling personal threats or unmet needs, while reason allows us to evaluate situations and de-escalate tension.

Of course, the balance between the two directly affects our behaviour: those who are perhaps more emotional might be more prone to lashing out and confrontation, whereas those who are more ‘reasonable’ may shy away or totally avoid conflict. It is therefore important to understand the balance of both factors.

So how do we acknowledge emotion during the conflict resolution process?

• Listen actively
  Hear the words that parties are saying and notice the feelings underneath them, responding appropriately.

• Validate experiences
  Acknowledge that people’s distress, annoyance, or frustration is real, even if you do not personally agree with all of the facts.

• Identify interests
  Use reframing to look past parties’ angry demands and find the core human needs driving them.

And, on the flip side, how do we apply reason?

• Set ground rules
  Come up with a set of rules at the start of the joint session to stop parties shouting at, interrupting, or insulting each other, so that conversation can happen in turn. Use the ‘three strikes’ method if necessary.

• Reframe statements
  Use reframing to turn angry demands into neutral, calm facts, led by their core interests.

• Focus forward
  Again, use reframing to shift the talk away from the past and who is right/wrong, and toward future fixes. What can the parties do to get this relationship to where they want it to be?

Of course, both balance and reason don’t just apply to the parties and to their dispute: they are also factors at play within the conflict resolver.

So how do we maintain our own equilibrium?

• Stay self-aware
  Notice your own triggers and biases so that you can stay completely neutral and impartial. Address them where necessary.

• Use disciplined empathy
  Connect on a human level with parties, acknowledging their emotions and feelings, but without losing your professionalism or taking sides.

• Take breaks if required
  Pause the session when ‘emotional noise’ gets too loud, or if you notice your own biases creeping in.