Thinking Like a Mediator: Are You The Right Person?

When approaching a conflict that you are looking to help resolve, the first thought that needs to happen is ‘Am I the right person to do this?’

First of all, do you have the capacity?

The role of a mediator is a skilled one: it is a role that people train for, and one which requires years of practice to become truly good at. There are, however, skills that can stand you in good stead (particularly, strong communication and listening skills), as well as traits that could make you a natural ‘mediator’ (empathy, emotional intelligence, patience, etc.). You may already use these skills or traits as part of your role, but it’s important to judge whether or not resolving this conflict falls within your wheelhouse, or whether it is best left to someone who has trained as a mediator.

Even if you have the skills required, do you have the logistical capacity to deal with it?

Many people often think it’s as simple as bringing two people together in a room for half an hour, banging their heads together, and being done with it. In reality, a resolution process can take up a full day or more (or be spread over several days/weeks), and may also require preparatory work beforehand. We also recommend following up with people after, which may lead to another conversation further down the line. It is not always a quick process, and it needs to be given an appropriate amount of time and attention in order for it to work.

Secondly, you need to consider your role in the conflict as well. Are you 'too close' to it? Or do you perhaps a vested interest in the outcome? Do you find yourself empathising with one party more than the other? If so, is there a chance that you end up advocating for or advising that party, instead of remaining neutral and impartial?

Of course, impartiality is one of the key pillars of mediation. The mediator must remain fair, unbiased, and non-judgmental throughout, and stay with the ‘here and now’ of the dispute, rather than trying to push for change. Only by doing this can we build trust, support the parties to fully express themselves, and set the conditions for productive dialogue to take place.

That is not to mean that you must sit on the fence though, which we will look at in a future article of this series.

And finally, are you prepared to deal with the outcome of the conversation, whatever that may be? Even if you reach a positive outcome, what will the effect be on the parties’ ongoing relationship? The chances are that, after such a long, drawn-out, and entrenched dispute, the parties will never be best friends, and there may well be further speedbumps along the road. Are you prepared and in a position to be their ongoing source of support should they need it?

And that’s not to mention what happens if it all goes badly! As we have seen all too many times when organisations refer cases to us, a prior poorly-done attempt at mediation can actually make things worse! Do you have follow-up processes in place in case that happens, or do you have other sources of support that you can signpost the parties to?

These are all considerations that need to be made before you throw your hat into the ring as a mediator. But, providing you are indeed the right person to move forward, we can then move on to the next aspect of ‘Thinking Like a Mediator’…